Sorry, I’m not myself

I would like to issue an apology to everyone that may have crossed my path in the last six months or so, or will in the near future. Yes, a “global apology” – cue booming music. Actually, I’d even be willing to send it out to the universe, because somehow I think I’m going to owe someone or something (??) an apology beyond my wildest expectations in the near future.

Better to be safe than sorry, right?

I’ve come to the realization that I am just not myself lately. And yes, I know that it’s normal under the circumstances. Yes, I know that I should give myself a break, take the time that I need, practice self-love, take up yoga, get that extra massage, meditate, take my vitamins, etc. But here’s the rub, I have shit to do. Seriously. I have three kids that depend on me to be functional. And people to see and places to be. On time. On the day that I make the plans or appointment to be there.

That’s not really happening as well as it used to lately. I am slipping. A lot.

I have missed a psychologist appointment for my middle son, a baseball practice for my youngest son, a doctor appointment for myself (that I only made the DAY BEFORE the appointment time) A scouting camp meeting, a school function or two, bringing lunch to my oldest son…you see where this is going, right?

And today, I was driving out of the Target parking lot in a daze of sorts and almost had an accident with someone backing out of their parking space. The scary part was that I was watching it happen,  as if it was all in slow-motion, all the while, gently (ever so gently) honking my horn and ducking as I kept driving at 5 mph. Yes, ducking my head as if something were crashing down on top of me – what the hell was I doing??

I have no idea how to get out of this funk. Some days I have no desire to do anything but watch TV, eat or nap. Other days I am like a whirling dervish of activity, up early to work out then stripping beds and cleaning out closets, doing five loads of laundry and having lunch with a friend. When does the madness end?!

So, for the near future, please accept my apology for not showing up or forgetting to pick you up or not responding to your email/phone call/text or possibly rear ending you in the parking lot. I have lost my mind.

Hopefully it’s only temporary.


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