When people find out that you are getting divorced they usually have kind words to say, and offer love and support. Some express sadness, surprise, shock.
One friend actually high-fived me – seriously…
Sometimes people are even curious about the timeline of it all, and how it all happened, but that’s not really the big question running through their minds.
What are you going to do? they ask with big, wide, shiny eyes. Sometimes clutching their hands, with a furrowed brow. The look of concern accenting the inevitable question.
Being a stay at home mom, for close to twenty years, brings many questions to the forefront of the divorce discussion.
What will you do? Will you go back to work? What kind of job will you be hoping to find?
Maybe this is a good time to reinvent yourself! they smile happily, proud of their great idea.
Reinvent myself? What does that even mean?
I didn’t realize that, once I get divorced, I have to become something “new and improved”. I didn’t think that I had to think of ‘what I want to be when I grow up’…again. Is there something wrong with what I’ve been, and what I’ve done, all these years?
And “go back to work”? Seriously? In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been working for a good long eighteen years – in one job. I have put in countless hours, day and night, weekends and holidays, to grow with my job and make constant improvements. I’ve relocated multiple times, immersed myself in different cultures, learned new languages and customs, broadened my horizons with new experiences and met new people/friends along the way, and all the while with three children in tow (and one overgrown child, that was my husband)
And as if that isn’t enough, I have given my time and my services all the while. I have volunteered in multiple charity endeavors and school functions, played the part of the corporate wife, baked cookies, sold popcorn, collected donations and planned birthday parties that could be sold as events!
And, I’ve usually had some sort of money-making job to “keep me busy” too.
How about instead of ‘reinventing’ myself I actually figure out who I am? Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, allowing me to finally just be me. To find out what makes me happy, how I truly like to spend my time and with the people I want to be around – not a committee, a meeting or a gala event.
A time to stop, look and listen. To my heart and my soul.
It’s not a reinvention, it’s a rediscovery. It’s time to let that girl with dreams, goals and love out of the back room of her mind and let her paint in the sun while sipping a cold Coke, straight out of the bottle. It’s time to laugh without worry, sing out loud with the radio, sleep in peace, and say yes to life the way I want to live it.
Uncover it, unwrap it, rediscover it.