We were a good team

Getting divorced isn’t the easy process that I expected it to be. I know what you’re thinking or even saying out loud to yourself, why would you think it was going to be easy?

What were you thinking?!

I was lulled into the idea that we were a good team and worked well together to solve problems the last twenty years, so why should this be any different?

We are both level-headed adults that have overcome some pretty crazy obstacles and challenges in our life together. We’ve moved internationally a few times, attended more funerals for loved ones and friends than I care to count, struggled through some major medical issues with our boys and lived through at least three major remodeling projects. He is a figure head, a linear thinker and a demanding boss personality, while I am a research oriented mind that builds rapport and draws people in. We balance each other.

We are a good team.

Along the way, we have learned from each other. He has become more open to strangers, actually having conversations on the plane or train, and learned to finesse people over the years a bit to get things done. While I on the other hand, have learned to toughen up, demand results, speak up for what I want and not take crap from people. I was a bit of a pushover in the early days, I admit it. Maybe that’s normal growth in any relationship, but I’d like to believe that we sort of rubbed off on one another creating better versions of ourselves along the way. Softening the rough edges for each other.

So, now that we are parting, I don’t think that I am too crazy to think that we could handle this situation practically and with grace. We started off saying that we will have the oddest divorce because we will work so well with each other. “People will be stunned!”, we laughed. “This will be easy, we’re good at working together”, we said.

We had no idea what was in store, or what to expect from one another when the chips were down.

It’s not working out the way we expected, wide-eyed and so trusting in the beginning, odd but true. (stop rolling your eyes and mumbling “no shit”, I get it!) It’s all taking longer than we agreed to, or wanted it to, in the first place. There are more people involved now than  I ever expected. Who knew that it takes a village to get divorced?!

And it’s not going to be pretty when it is all said and done. It will take a long while to heal.

I guess our real personalities surface when we’re up against the wall, fighting for what we want and what we think is fair. One thing he may not have counted on when he was influencing me to be more tough and self-advocating, forcing me to adapt to new situations and be more independent because he was too busy to be there to support me. I’m stronger, I’m smarter and I’m not afraid. I learned a lot.

And, I learned from the best.

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