We all have those small memories of odd things along the way in our relationships, the bells no matter how small, that should have alerted us to the idea that he or she is not “the one” but we chose to ignore them. I’m not talking about the regular, run of the mill, glaring red flag. No, these are those little, seemingly innocuous, incidents or habits that we skimmed over so as not to make a big deal about it.
Nobody wants to be that “high maintenance” demanding partner, do they?
Skimming over my memories of our first days, even years, together to see if there were any bells that I should have stopped and thought about recently. Any? How about any more than ten? Or one hundred?
It’s the little things.
Really, in the end, that’s all that makes the real difference in determining whether or not you will whether the storm as a couple for the long term. Those little things that show thoughtfulness, care, kindness.
Does he know your favorite flavor of ice cream, your favorite flower, how you take your coffee? Or if you even drink coffee?
Does she fold your laundry the way your mom used to, because you took the time to show her once, and she knows you like your underwear and t-shirts folded into thirds even if she is an “in-half” folder?
If he forgets to get the taco sauce for your favorite tacos while on a food run does he go back to the fast food restaurant to get it without argument, knowing that his food will get cold, just because he knows the tacos won’t taste the same to you without it?
Does she bake your favorite childhood cake on your birthday every year, from scratch, complete with whipped cream frosting? And make your favorite dinner for the occasion?
Does she make sure that your favorite beer/pop/ice cream/chips are always stocked in the house – and guarded/hidden from your children?
Does he make sure that all of the doors in the house are closed, including the bathrooms and closets, because you need it that way to sleep peacefully? (yes, it’s a bit OCD, but it’s still a thing)
These, my friend, are the “little things”. On the surface they seem somewhat unimportant, almost high maintenance, things to expect of someone. But don’t they make you feel good?
Aren’t these the things that make you feel special, heard, seen? Make you feel loved?
These are the things that start to go missing, some of them almost from the beginning, in our relationships. Little things that we sometimes dismiss as not important as time ticks by, but they are so important. They are the things that don’t involve or need much time, just a little thought and care, but they can make the biggest difference in a relationship over time. They keep you connected.
These are the “little things” that didn’t happen, that added up over time, that chip away at trust and love.
They may seem small on the surface, but they add up to a very big thing in the end that make you feel special…make you feel seen, heard.